Events

  The day before Justin Halpern proposed to his now wife, he told his father what he was about to do. In typical fashion, his dad was unimpressed by this life-changing decision. “You’ve been dating her four years,” he said. “It ain’t like you found a parallel fucking universe.” But his dad could tell he was nervous and needed a push, so he gave Justin some advice: to take an entire day, go off somewhere on his own, think about all the things he’d learned about women, relationships, and himself over the years, and make an “educated guess” as to whether proposing was the right decision. This conversation, and Halpern’s resulting trip down memory lane, is the subject for his hilarious new book – the follow up to his phenom, Sh*t My Dad Says. A funny and touching series of stories, I SUCK AT GIRLS is an exploration of Halpern’s romantic adventures (read: mostly failures) – from his first kiss, to getting engaged, and every awkward moment in between.  Halpern became an Internet sensation in 2008 after creating a Twitter feed called shitmydadsays, where he captured the absurd and expletive-ridden words of wisdom that came out of his father’s mouth. What began as an attempt to keep his mind off things and make a couple friends laugh, however, quickly exploded: within two months he had over half a million followers, a book deal and a TV deal. As his Twitter following grew, the book Sh*t My Dad Says became a massive bestseller. Halpern co-created and co-executive produced the TV adaptation for CBS and Warner Brothers TV, starring William Shatner. His hilarious new book, told chronologically through his romantic past, opens with “I Like It,” the story of a seven-year-old Halpern presenting a crude drawing of his second-grade crush to his second-grade crush – of a red-headed stick figure above whose head hovered a dog, going Number Two on her face. Summoned to school by his son’s teacher, Justin’s father was furious, but not for the reasons that you’d expect. “You have to draw a hill or something under the dog. A dog can’t just float up into the atmosphere and take a shit on someone’s head. I mean, I know you’re six or seven or whatever, but that’s just pretty basic physics right there.”  I SUCK AT GIRLS charts the life-changing experiences that shaped Halpern into the awkward, yet happily married man that he is today, including: his nine-year-old fear that on his wedding night not only would his wife see him naked, but that he would also be obligated to have sex with her; being the last of his friends to lose his virginity at age twenty to a Hooters waitress who broke up with him almost immediately after; taking a trip to Europe in hopes that maybe women were easier to talk to overseas, only to find that the only person with whom he could carry on a conversation was an Asian man who wore all denim; and finally, his first date with Amanda, where, at a party in her own house, he forced her to guard the bathroom door while he loudly and painfully emptied his bowels, with a line of people waiting on the other side of the door. Halpern, who tried to ask a girl to homecoming in high school by asking her if she’d “ever taken flaming hot Cheetos and dumped nacho cheese on them?” learns a few things along the way, however, and I SUCK AT GIRLS captures them all.    Justin Halpern, 31, is a bestselling author and TV/writer producer, who has appeared on Chelsea Lately, The CBS Early Show, Last Call with Carson Daly, and Countdown with Keith Olbermann. He was most recently a co-producer on “How to Be a Gentleman,” for Paramount and CBS TV studios. He runs and regularly contributes to the very funny website, These Fries Are Good. He recently married his lovely wife Amanda, and splits his time between Los Angeles and San Diego. Follow him on Twitter: @justin_halpern